{"id":134,"date":"2008-08-28T01:19:25","date_gmt":"2008-08-28T09:19:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.rides.actc.org\/?p=134"},"modified":"2008-08-28T01:20:07","modified_gmt":"2008-08-28T09:20:07","slug":"the-clear","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.rides.actc.org\/?p=134","title":{"rendered":"The Clear"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Guy Neenan<\/em><\/p>\n

No doubt some cycling associates will be interested in the recent toning of physique and surge in cycling performance they’ve witnessed in me.\u00c2\u00a0 There is some caveat in the story of getting a prescription for betamethasone ointment and using it while maintaining an athletic lifestyle.\u00c2\u00a0 You must pay dues of searing muscle pain, infernal prickle, itch, and oozing disfigurement of the skin, appalling medical haste, baulking pharmacological service, and side-effects that include virtual sexual impotence.<\/p>\n

In tangent is a story of de-rigging.\u00c2\u00a0 When you raft the Colorado River thru the Grand Canyon, you must “Rig to flip”.\u00c2\u00a0 My prescription followed a chain of events beginning with a calf injury that enabled me to do some sunbathing while my 15 rafting companions spent about two hours de-rigging our five rafts on the last day of our 16-days rafting and camping along 220 miles of that magic canyon.<\/p>\n

“Rig to flip” means lashing or attaching everything on the four oarboat rafts and the paddling raft with friction buckle straps and carabineers.\u00c2\u00a0 Ammunition cans, drybags, food boxes, groover (toilet), six-gallon carboys of water, etc. must be lashed tightly to the frame of the raft.\u00c2\u00a0 Even the oars have retention lines.\u00c2\u00a0 Only paddles and people are untethered.\u00c2\u00a0 Flipping is a real thing.\u00c2\u00a0 Our captain, Ed King had three rafts overturn in the Crystal Rapids on his previous trip.\u00c2\u00a0 “It won’t happen again.” is his promise.\u00c2\u00a0 Each day begins with more than an hour loading the rafts and lashing everything.\u00c2\u00a0 Although this trip is sans flip, the list of items that need to be retrieved from the river includes one 5-gallon pail, one can of (floating) beer, a baggie of gorp, an oar, an ammo box, a frisbee (several times), several paddles, and six or seven people.\u00c2\u00a0 Yes, a can of beer will “float” on the Colorado River because of the viscosity and upwelling of the red slurry.\u00c2\u00a0 The Canyon is gorgeous for many miles.\u00c2\u00a0 “Gorge” means less than 100 \u00e2\u20ac\u02dc-wide, up to 100′-deep, and roiling with the energy of 15,000 cfs of silty red water.<\/p>\n

I was lucky to be drafted to serve as boatman for the Captain.\u00c2\u00a0 I would ride the raft while Ed oared.\u00c2\u00a0 I’d help navigate, spot, signal, hand-up water, gorp, or a fuming cigar to him, spell him by oaring on flat stretches, and occasionally steer thru some of the easy riffles.\u00c2\u00a0 Often Captain King would command, “Tie-down that thing”.<\/p>\n

One day I lapsed and failed to securely strap the ammo box carrying the “Kitchen Scrubs”.\u00c2\u00a0 This was a small 50 caliber ammo box containing handwashing, dishwashing, and chlorox solution.\u00c2\u00a0 It was indispensable at every lunch stop and camp.\u00c2\u00a0 It was very accessible on the deck, lashed with the can that carried our emergency satellite phone.<\/p>\n

A large motorized commercial party boat attempted to pass us as the river bent around cliff of red Tapeats sandstone.\u00c2\u00a0 The party boats have 55-horse motors and up to 24 tourists who spend about 8 days on the river.\u00c2\u00a0 One to three motorized commercial parties would pass us each day.\u00c2\u00a0 The power boats usually give rafts plenty of time and adequate space when passing.\u00c2\u00a0 This time the commercial guide lapses.\u00c2\u00a0 He fails to realize the speed of the water, attempts to gun-past us on the left.\u00c2\u00a0 The soft-sided boat gets swept directly toward our left baffle.\u00c2\u00a0 He cuts the motor, rudders full left, shouts “Sorry”, and belts us like a giant bumper boat.\u00c2\u00a0 Ed and I brace and duck.\u00c2\u00a0 The little raft is punted down the river and the loose box of Kitchen Scrubs flops into the ruddy drink.<\/p>\n

The little ammo boxes are perfect for boating.\u00c2\u00a0 They’re painted white.\u00c2\u00a0 They’ll bob on the water for a while.\u00c2\u00a0 “I got it”, shouts a party boatman.\u00c2\u00a0 With a little backing, he reaches into the river and retrieves our scrubs.\u00c2\u00a0 My lesson’s learned.\u00c2\u00a0 Now I’ll always rig to flip.<\/p>\n

Actually it’s my inability to de-rig that has led to my enhanced cycling performance and lost sexual capability.\u00c2\u00a0 I suffered a pulled gastrocnemius (calf) muscle while derafting at the beach at the camp below Matkatamiba camp.\u00c2\u00a0 I was derigging when a companion, Ramon asked for my assistance.\u00c2\u00a0 Ramon’s on Chef team # 3.\u00c2\u00a0 Tonight, team 3 will prepare a meal for 16.\u00c2\u00a0 He’s our star grilling specialist by acclamation.\u00c2\u00a0 He’s a very strong paddler, a good singer-songwriter, and a mature attorney with a strong command tone in his voice.\u00c2\u00a0 He’s gathered several dinner items in his arms and cannot deraft at the moment because the bowline of his raft has slackened and the raft has drifted a little offbeach.\u00c2\u00a0 He’s in a hurry to prepare dinner, and doesn’t want to take the time to drop the goods and pull his raft to shore.\u00c2\u00a0 “Hey Guy, come over here and pull this boat to shore or your dinner will be a half hour late!”<\/p>\n

With unthinking haste and excess energy, I take a hero’s leap from the baffle of my raft onto the beach.\u00c2\u00a0 I’ve miscalculated the landing.\u00c2\u00a0 The beach is inclined 45 degrees and I pivot over the ball of the left foot before the ankle is fully extended.\u00c2\u00a0 The searing pain is at the top rear of the calf.\u00c2\u00a0 I stagger to the raft, pull Ramon home, and begin to whimper and limp about camp.<\/p>\n

Pam’s a nurse.\u00c2\u00a0 She’s right with me and prescribes cold water soaks, elevation, and ibuprofen; 800 milligrams every 4 hours.\u00c2\u00a0 We find a bottle of ibp in one of the medicine boxes and the dosing begins.\u00c2\u00a0 For the remaining seven days, I’ll be the poster child of the party.<\/p>\n

The dream trip continues.\u00c2\u00a0 I miss the hike up Havasu Creek.\u00c2\u00a0 But I’m able to hobble-up Elve’s Chasm, swim, oar, paddle, cook, continue my functions as Groover Captain, and thoroughly enjoy the odyssey.\u00c2\u00a0 Sometimes I’ll ride the raft with my left foot inside a pail of 70 degree river water or lay on the deck with the left foot elevated on the side of a pail.\u00c2\u00a0 I leave the heavy lifting to my stalwart companions.\u00c2\u00a0 I’ve got a good reason to lounge-around on the beaches with one leg in a bucket of water and one foot in the sand while everyone’s rigging and derigging.\u00c2\u00a0 Every day I dose 2.4 grams of ibp.<\/p>\n

Now if I’d been mobile on our last day of derigging, I would have joined my friends to unstrap everything, remove the frames from the rafts, deflate, and roll-up the rafts in preparation for loading all onto the trucks at our disembarkation at Diamond Creek landing.\u00c2\u00a0 But I’m still hobbled.\u00c2\u00a0 I feel it’s better for me to stay out-of-the-way of my busy companions, pull a paco pad aside, and finish tanning for my back and chest.\u00c2\u00a0 I have no idea that there’s a common side effect of ibp; sun-induced skin rash.\u00c2\u00a0 With final physical effort, I watch my friends load each 20 mm ammo can of solid human waste onto the tommy gate of the truck.\u00c2\u00a0 There’s one, two, three, five cans of solid product that I needn’t lift.\u00c2\u00a0 Probably 300 pounds of it.\u00c2\u00a0 The load of off.\u00c2\u00a0 The Groover Captain has retired.<\/p>\n

I can’t wait to see my dermatologist.\u00c2\u00a0 You don’t want to know about that hideous purile eruption that began on my lower back.\u00c2\u00a0 Now a rash of vesicles has spread to my chest with a prickling itch that intensifies at night.\u00c2\u00a0 Serous yellow-tinted puss erupts from tiny ulcers at the tip of rosy-red bumps.\u00c2\u00a0 I google scabies.\u00c2\u00a0 I feel crawling on the skin.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m ready to incinerate the sleeping bag.<\/p>\n

“You have a rash affecting the trunk.\u00c2\u00a0 That’s not the pattern of scabies. What medicines are you taking?” asks the Doctor.\u00c2\u00a0 “Ibuprofen, aspirin, and exercise supplements.”\u00c2\u00a0 She follows-up with aspirin and supplements, but doesn’t ask about ibp.\u00c2\u00a0 She diagnoses “unspecified dermatitis” and prescribes a “strong ointment”.\u00c2\u00a0 “If that doesn’t take care of it in 10 to 14 days, we’ll have to do a biopsy”.\u00c2\u00a0 OK, give me ointment, quell this rash now, I’m thinking.\u00c2\u00a0 I don’t care if we have to drill my body later.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m so miserable I’d consent to a lobotomy.<\/p>\n

Later, I’m thinking.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s wonderful I’m not infested with ectoparasites and have a note for the clear.\u00c2\u00a0 Why was the doctor so interested in medicine side-effects?\u00c2\u00a0 I google “skin rash ibuprofen”.\u00c2\u00a0 Holy moly.\u00c2\u00a0 I’ve been taking 2.4 grams for 16 days now.<\/p>\n

What’s flustrating is to wait on the pharmacy on Monday.\u00c2\u00a0 “We don’t stock this item.\u00c2\u00a0 We’ll order it and have it for you on Wednesday.\u00c2\u00a0 The cost will be $138 (for 2 ounces).\u00c2\u00a0 No, there’s no generic form.” I’m told.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m tough.\u00c2\u00a0 There’s a callous over my brain.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s been 8 days of hell already.\u00c2\u00a0 I’ve got some topical diphenhydramine gel to get bye.<\/p>\n

On Tuesday I’m preparing to do the weekly Metcalf Mauler bicycle ride. My calf is still sore so I won’t really hammer up the hill.\u00c2\u00a0 I check my voicemail.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 It’s the pharmacist. “This medicine is no longer manufactured.\u00c2\u00a0 We have no substitute.\u00c2\u00a0 Nothing works like this medicine.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s very unusual.\u00c2\u00a0 Your doctor will have to prescribe something else.”<\/p>\n

Joan shows up for the Mauler ride.\u00c2\u00a0 She’s a DVM and knows about medicine.\u00c2\u00a0 We regroup at the eucalyptus grove and Jim mentions he’s got some prednisone medicine left-over from a treatment he had for raging poison oak.\u00c2\u00a0 “That’s for me!” I insist.\u00c2\u00a0 I explain my struggle to get the treatment for ibp toxicity.\u00c2\u00a0 My cycling associates are skeptical.\u00c2\u00a0 They think I’m just exaggerating to amuse them and begging for dope.\u00c2\u00a0 I unzip my jersey and show them the incontrovertible stigmata oozing from the chest.\u00c2\u00a0 Everyones’ appalled.\u00c2\u00a0 Joan exclaims, “Well that’s a common side-effect of ibp and other NSAID’s.\u00c2\u00a0 Tell your dermatologist you’ve got a sun-induced ibuprofen rash”.\u00c2\u00a0 Raft, leap, hurt, dose, sunbathe, itch, maul, and learn.\u00c2\u00a0 Thanks, Joan.<\/p>\n

Wednesday, the doctor has straightened-out the pharmacist.\u00c2\u00a0 I pickup a tube of clear ointment containing 0.05% of the hard-to-get anabolic.\u00c2\u00a0 Let the healing begin.\u00c2\u00a0 And let my Mauler buddies be forewarned.\u00c2\u00a0 Soon the swelling will go down, the quads will appear blocky, the sprints snappy, and the homers more frequent.\u00c2\u00a0 But lest I be envied, google “side effects topical steroid”. Holy moly.\u00c2\u00a0 My voice is breaking.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Guy Neenan No doubt some cycling associates will be interested in the recent toning of physique and surge in cycling performance they’ve witnessed in me.\u00c2\u00a0 There is some caveat in the story of getting a prescription for betamethasone ointment and using it while maintaining an athletic lifestyle.\u00c2\u00a0 You must pay dues of searing muscle […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-134","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ride-story"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.rides.actc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/134","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.rides.actc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.rides.actc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.rides.actc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.rides.actc.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=134"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.rides.actc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/134\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":136,"href":"http:\/\/www.rides.actc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/134\/revisions\/136"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.rides.actc.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=134"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.rides.actc.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=134"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.rides.actc.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=134"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}